Introspection

Introspection

My life is all about boundaries, norms and fair play. Everday I pray and hope for the world to stand by some of my pereceptions only so that I do not feel stressed out by the rat race. Then again, who dares to breathe, slow down, or even look at oneself especially in the game called survival of the fittest. Only a few months, and I am out of breathe. Could this maddening desire to top the charts make one more angry than those before us?

It was yet another day of yelling, abusing and confusion. My task for the day was simple for I had to do what I loved most, editing a tiny video clipping. A few hours later, I am caught for having destroyed the aesthics of the video clipping. While some ignored my mere existence, some cursed me. It was then that I had chosen to sought help. For I failed to understand the systems/procedures that are in place.

My friends advised me to quit what I was doing. So did other superiors at work. The day had come when I was in dilemma. Do I quit and bid farewell to the world I had imagined all my life? Or do I say- wait, breathe and observe? It was then I had approached my professor from college. While I waited for his reponse, I continued to display fabulous works of breatheless verbal diarrhoea among friends and family. Their advice and remarks however, seemed to had no impact on the way I perceived my life to be.

Those endless moments of self-doubt; the painful moments of having to rough it out without any support from a loved living close by; it all seemed too hard to deal with. Quitting semmed to be the easiest and most sensible option.I thought to myself- ' why must I struggle, when I have nothing to lose and the opportunity to do better?' For days, the thought kept me going until I saw my compatriots doing better. The change in my attitude and personality was indeed scary. And I knew I had to begin to take life into my own hands.

Things changed after receiving a detailed reply from my professor on the other hand. Introspect- was what he had said. A subtle reminder of one of my principles. A principle I believe in, but often fail to practice. His advice had convinced me of my faults and had motivated me to toughen up. It was then that I had taken the toughest decision and continue struggle in the hope of a better tomorrow. Indeed. His outlook regarding my flaws and the situation were not unique but had also pushed me continue doing all that I had to.

I admit, it isn't to listen to criticism. But I believe criticism from those who have observed you closely, and have always meant well for you, are worth heeding to. We often blame the world around us for the hard times we face. But do we own up for faults that are ours. May the real world exists because of the unfair blame game. After all, who would like to invite trouble? On the contrary, a world as unfair as this, can be quite a spectable and can guaratee you a million laughs. In the end, it is not about the growth, the performance or the status. It is about you. Your perceptions and what you desire to be. And nothing can stop us from being all that we want to be.

Band Stand, Bandra, Photography by Gitanjali Diwakar

(When in doubt, look at the horizon, and ask yourself if you wish to explore the world beyond. And if you do, follow your heart, strive towards the horizon and then leap, for you will never know unless you dare to to)