All that defines us!

It was a pleasure to listen to the familiar notes of Carnatic Classical music. Having been a student of the art for more than 10 years, I deem it an honour to have been exposed to such unique yet fascinating aspects of India's cultural heritage. But more than anything else, it was the sheer joy hearing my teacher utter those melodious verses drafted by great poets and maestros.

I was excited the moment I heard him sing one my favourite ragas - Sindhu Bhairavi. It was as if he had read my mind and was determined to ensure that  I sit through the entire recital. His voice was fabulous and probably flawless. Although it has been nearly 9 years since we had sung before each other, I continue to remain in awe, and will always be grateful for the all the lessons that he has taught me.

All of a sudden,  I was transported back in time. I still remember how my guru would enter my house, dressed in a mundu and kurta/shirt, sit crossed legged and begin teaching me the very basics of Carnatic music. To me, Sa, Ri, Ga, Ma, Pa, Da, Ni are not mere notes, but are words that have always brought a cheer to me. Each note sung reminds of some of the best memories of childhood. Not to mention the manner in which I learnt how to play the harmonium too. I still recall how I would doze off during some of my music sessions, and would wake up only after sensing a smile on my teacher's face. Then again, perhaps the notes were carefully weaved into my sub-conscious and today, I remember every syllable that I was taught.

I was lucky to have been taught music by three extremely talented teachers. The first guru was instrumental is trigger that desire to learn as much as I could about this great art. My second teacher encouraged me to feel the music in everything I heard - whether songs sung in the movie, streets or even the buzzing of the generator! My third Guru taught me that music has to be enjoyed and should never be looked upon as a burden.

It is strange how something as soothing such as this is often looked down upon by a large group of people. Some claim it to be a meaningless quacking and deserves no attention, while some others believe that it is best for it to remain extinct.

I believe an art as rich as classical music should never be looked down upon. For it these art-forms that define who and where we belong. Each of these arts depicts the divine aspects of certain bonds and help us become better human beings. The Guru - shishya parampara is one such example. Was it genuine or habitual - I cannot tell. But I sensed a feeling of heartfelt respect and honour after bowing before my guru. .
After all, there is never day, I do not think of those who taught me my basics. It is this art that often keeps me in sync with the world around me. Not mention, the pride I have in hearing my own voice and re-discovering the happy elements of life.

I guess it is time for us to introspect and find out who we really are, and not pursue something so as to 'fit in.'

A walk to remember

The count down has begun. Soon, I will no longer be part of the hustling and bustling in Mumbai. Yet, I hadn't experienced the charm of Mumbai. Until one day, nature decided to show mes the romantic side of the city's madness. Indeed, I had fallen in love with the city of dreams.

       It was another hot Saturday afternoon. After spending many hours before my portable idiot box (the laptop),  I was determined to step out of the walls of my tiny room, and breathe some fresh air. I began dialing every number I could recall, wondering if anybody would like to accompany me to some of the city's most scenic spots. While one spoke of visiting a colleague the other had blatantly denied the invite saying that he had too many clothes to wash. Some others refused to answer my call. And then there was the group I did not want to enjoy my last Saturday evening in Mumbai with, primarily because I wanted stay away from the world I was associated with for too long.

     An hour or two later, I decided to ask Brijesh to accompany me to one of the most fascinating and serene places of Mumbai- Powai. 'Well, my friend is coming by, but I should be free by six thirty. However if you are busy window shopping with some other women, then carry on. My buddies and I are going to explore HRC,' said a rather excited Brijesh. The confused yet pre-occupied tone had stirred a tinge of anger. It was not long before I chose to scream as loud as I could. 'LOOK buddy, I can't tolerate the sight of clothes, shoes and bags. I want to be able to have some fun my way. So I hope to see you at the lake,' and I set out as fast I could.

The journey lasted for 30 minutes. And before I could say, WOW! I saw Brijesh dressed in a set of casuals wondering what his lost wanderer friend was upto. 'Hey! What's up?' and thus, began the most memorable walk of a lifetime. Brijesh began talking to me about his major weekend plans while I continued to complain and  mock the strange mannerisms of the world around me. It was not long before a couple of drastic changes in Brijesh's weekend plans had forced him to stay back for another hour. Sure, I mocked him. But at heart, I was on cloud 9. For I finally had a chance share some of my most satisfactory moments with a person with a 'LIVE LIFE KING SIZE' attitude. There I was a midst the blaring traffic, enjoying the most mesmerising sight of a lake, with a man who let me speak my heart out, act silly but most of all I had fun. All of a sudden, I felt a tinge of surprise. After all this time, I finally found a buddy. A person who not only valued my views, but who ensured that I value his too. And as we both walked around the lake, we began talking of a personalities, movies, careers, and a lot of random topics.

       The sight was beautiful. It was dusk. And in the distant oblivion I could see the hills craving for the moon to shower its light through the gaps of two luxurious apartments. 'LOOK at that,' and Brijesh stood still staring at the full moon which appeared to be bigger and brighter than the usual. Time flew. It was time for us to part ways. While he remained jovial until the very end, I began sensing a certain degree of sadness. I was sad for now I am sure these moments of high hopes and fantasy will soon become a mere memory and that it will have to be shelved for a very long time. I tried to hide my emotions. I wanted the night to stay still. It was the first time, I was ME. I loved myself. And I adored the way in which I chose to play my cards in the game of life.

  We soon bid adieu. As I recalled the night I realised that time works in wondrous ways. While I struggled to make a mark for myself and see the world around me, a superior power felt that 'NOW' was the time for me to enjoy the world around me. Smile and bring smiles on the faces of people. Was it Brijesh or was it the moment? I do not know. Guess, sometimes mysteries and questions can remain unanswered. It does make the tale more exciting.

Introspection

Introspection

My life is all about boundaries, norms and fair play. Everday I pray and hope for the world to stand by some of my pereceptions only so that I do not feel stressed out by the rat race. Then again, who dares to breathe, slow down, or even look at oneself especially in the game called survival of the fittest. Only a few months, and I am out of breathe. Could this maddening desire to top the charts make one more angry than those before us?

It was yet another day of yelling, abusing and confusion. My task for the day was simple for I had to do what I loved most, editing a tiny video clipping. A few hours later, I am caught for having destroyed the aesthics of the video clipping. While some ignored my mere existence, some cursed me. It was then that I had chosen to sought help. For I failed to understand the systems/procedures that are in place.

My friends advised me to quit what I was doing. So did other superiors at work. The day had come when I was in dilemma. Do I quit and bid farewell to the world I had imagined all my life? Or do I say- wait, breathe and observe? It was then I had approached my professor from college. While I waited for his reponse, I continued to display fabulous works of breatheless verbal diarrhoea among friends and family. Their advice and remarks however, seemed to had no impact on the way I perceived my life to be.

Those endless moments of self-doubt; the painful moments of having to rough it out without any support from a loved living close by; it all seemed too hard to deal with. Quitting semmed to be the easiest and most sensible option.I thought to myself- ' why must I struggle, when I have nothing to lose and the opportunity to do better?' For days, the thought kept me going until I saw my compatriots doing better. The change in my attitude and personality was indeed scary. And I knew I had to begin to take life into my own hands.

Things changed after receiving a detailed reply from my professor on the other hand. Introspect- was what he had said. A subtle reminder of one of my principles. A principle I believe in, but often fail to practice. His advice had convinced me of my faults and had motivated me to toughen up. It was then that I had taken the toughest decision and continue struggle in the hope of a better tomorrow. Indeed. His outlook regarding my flaws and the situation were not unique but had also pushed me continue doing all that I had to.

I admit, it isn't to listen to criticism. But I believe criticism from those who have observed you closely, and have always meant well for you, are worth heeding to. We often blame the world around us for the hard times we face. But do we own up for faults that are ours. May the real world exists because of the unfair blame game. After all, who would like to invite trouble? On the contrary, a world as unfair as this, can be quite a spectable and can guaratee you a million laughs. In the end, it is not about the growth, the performance or the status. It is about you. Your perceptions and what you desire to be. And nothing can stop us from being all that we want to be.

Band Stand, Bandra, Photography by Gitanjali Diwakar

(When in doubt, look at the horizon, and ask yourself if you wish to explore the world beyond. And if you do, follow your heart, strive towards the horizon and then leap, for you will never know unless you dare to to)

Celebrating life

Well, seems like I have not been writing for a long time. I admit I have neglected those who really mattered to me- my fellow readers. But I promise to make up for my absolute lack of consistency.

   They say the 'learning never ends.' I believe that is what the past three months have taught me. From tackling numerous instances of self-doubt, to being able to remain calm and emotionless in a crisis situation. I have learnt that life is no bed of roses. Then again, life has to be celebrated.

   There is so much more to the world than the tough competition and endless supply of money. All it takes a feeling heart and you will see a whole new world around you. A world were mothers are forced to carry their toddlers for hours until a kind soul offers them their seat. A world were being practical and rational is considered insane and childish.

   It was this thought that motivated me to understand the true essence of celebration. And thus, I set out on the journey to re-discover the meaning of celebration. My journey led me to a the most memorable weddings of my life. My cousin's wedding had not only given me a chance to vent out and dance to my heart's content, but had also let me re-live my childhood. For 3 days, all my cousins chose to become school kids until the celebrations had concluded.

  My journey taught me that smiles are the greatest shields of mankind. While they help you shield the troubled lives you lead, they a great source of inspiration and help you face tough times head-on. It is interesting to note that some of lives most valuable lessons are often taught to me by a nine year old girl with a traumatised childhood. Her smile, is symbol of strength and hope. And has kept me going as well.

Guess, one must search for those long lost smiles, cherish them and live the each moment for each one of them is a gift.

_________

Criticised with love

I am often asked as to why I chose to be a journalist? To many I brag about my dire desire to fulfill a childhood dream. To some others I use words like news, contact-circle and influence to make the discussion sound fascinating. But, honestly - I believe my decision to become a journalist goes far beyond those casual conversations about careers.

Sure, the media is the fourth pillar. But unlike some parts of the world, journalism in the world's seventh largest country is a whole new game. 

Journalism is one avenue that taught me how anybody and everybody is entitled to an opinion. Most of all, it taught me that you have to be thick skinned or street smart to tackle these opinions. Criticism, as many say, is often 'constructive.' Those who care criticise because it is their right and that we would take their opinions seriously so as to become at whatever we do. Those who call themselves fans of a journalist praise him/her but criticise the person the moment they flaw (even in the most insignificant manner). Those who consider themselves experienced or claim to be better at a few skills, criticise you because they feel threatened or rather cannot bear the sight of you showcasing a few precious skills. Then, there are those who criticise only because they were denied the chance to be a journalist and will look down upon any achievement of yours - even if you are internationally acclaimed.

Now, why do I love the field? Because it has made me tough. Journalists are rarely appreciated. The few occasions when we are truly appreciated are moments that ought to be celebrated in as fancy a manner as possible. Funny enough, everybody is criticised someway or the other. While in most cases you are often criticised by members of the same clan or by the absolutely clueless, journalists are criticised by everybody including the whose-who of various industries. It is only shocking if a journalist who dares to speak up is not threatened or warned.

After having received a great deal of criticism from various corners I have learnt the art of working hard till the world is silent. They say - you are never noticed unless you flaw. So why worry about recognition?

Being a journalist is a herculean task. We are always on the move. In search of that story that could have an impact or could keep the world talking or engage in discussion. Sometimes, the risks involves go beyond explanation but the efforts are never ignored. This is primarily due to the fact that the experience adds the 'x'
 factor to the story. Even if it is a matter of life and death.

At a battlefield, for instance, a journalist reporting is considered brave but one fails to see how his/her efforts often go unrecognised. Some of their stories may never see the light of day. Sure, they may or may be not be guaranteed or better lifestyle post the task. But is the guarantee justified? Not really. Even entertainment reporters are bound to be bombarded with a handful of 'suggestions,' even if the story was presented in a most balanced manner. But that does not stop them from doing what they do best. After all, the stories are meant for you - the audience that we write for (Wondering how it works? Think about it). It is rarely for us to present our stance.

It is the audience factor that makes our job more fascinating. Our lives are never about a story that we had penned down. But it is, in fact, the story of your lives that we choose to highlight. Journalism is an adventure that is recorded at all times. Everything that we do, be it editing a story or a video to reporting on the field is a challenge in itself. Each story is different and each tale has to be showcased effectively. These tasks demand hard work, focus, and a lot of perseverance. 

So here is a humble request to all readers - criticise but never insult. But most of all criticise only and only if you are sure that nobody will question your criticism. Else we shall continue standing by the old proverb - We know you are a fool, don't prove it :). It is amusing is to see how many view journalism as an arena for the stupid and not a really job. Believe me when I say, every profession has several exceptions and journalism is no different. Many journalist work in established media houses that have to abide by certain norms. Freelancers may have it easy , but are also bound by many rules. Again, by merely becoming a journalist, we are not exactly your very own walky-talky encyclopedia of the world. We might not more than many others. But we don't possess, as I would say, divya drishti (divine vision) for us to know it all.

Criticise, but respect our world too. For the grey areas are more vast than you can ever imagine.

Flashback

He held my hand and told me how much he cared. "I am a stupid and clumsy girl," I said. "It doesn't matter," is what he said. When I woke up the next day, it all seemed like nothing more than a dream. Now, that we are far apart, I can only hope for a moment when I would feel as safe or special with a that unique someone.

My father always said that the one thing that you can never forget are memories - good or bad. Our past plays a rather significant role in determining our next step. It influences our choices, or ability to judge and most of all, our personality. Be it a relationship during those hail days at college or during the initial years as a working person or even those rough fights in your neighbourhood. While the incidents seem crystal clear in the mind, reality depicts otherwise. They were a part of book that had too many action-packed chapters. The final chapter of those novels led to several new ones.

To me, these flashbacks remind me of the journey that helped me discover myself. Yes, I have flawed and I have done many wrong things. But the presence of a few brought the good that was hidden within me into the light of day. It was as if I had let my own light shine and had unconsciously let the others do so too. I might have broken a heart or two. I have indeed had a few shattering moments too. Did those moments make me cry? A few did. But the others motivated me to ask for more and discover more - about the world; about me.

History repeats itself. You cannot stop things from happening to you again. But what does the past teach you? One thing and one thing alone. To cherish all that you have. No matter how short-lived it may be. So do I fear taking the next step? Am I the grown up many yearn me to be? Well, no. I was, am and will always be a child. Children do not understand fear. I, thus, will never hesitate to hold my head high and take the next step forward. But I guess, I must learn to cherish all that I have. Good or bad. It is the only way to head towards being a better and complete person.

Would you please stop?!

Personally, I am exhausted of having to justify my views and perceptions of the world around me. Anything and anyone is judged. Though many preach of life being simple, who truly believes in practicing all that is being preached? I bet even the preacher chooses otherwise.

There is not a day when I do not wonder as to why people choose go by a protocol, knowing that they will have to breakaway from doing so soon enough. Who says what? To whom? Why what we said is rude but not honest? How we must be honest yet diplomatic? I have come to think that we are so scared of being who we really are. But most of all, I am concerned that we have begun to fear clarifying our doubts.

 It is as if there is an unseen and widely accepted rule book for all that we see. The easiest answer to most queries - 'Because our society believes so.'

As a child, I had accepted these replies as if they were words of wisdom. Abiding by them felt like taking a step towards righteousness. Now, as a young and restless adult - my questions continue to clarified in a similar fashion; only this time I am not convinced. The end result - I am termed 'the kind.'

Not too long ago a friend of mine and I were discussing a rather sensitive issue when all of a sudden his perceptions that opened my eyes into a whole new horizon. The discussion led to a rather interesting thought - we live in a world where everything seems to be changing by the second. The India that I live in seems to be witnessing a drastic change in the mindsets of the average Indian that is often obstructed by the steadfast and firm perceptions of the generations before mine. Thus, concepts of free speech, interaction with the opposite sex or even marriage for-the-sake of the companionship are yet to sink in. But that does not stop my generation from adapting themselves to a new lifestyle.

Each one of us, at the end of them day, is pulled down by a heavy anchor (figuratively speaking) and is denied a chance to grow and adapt to the world around us. While our age old values of mutual respect, tolerance and family have been appreciated worldwide, it applications in the current day scenario seem rather jaded. Who said that long rides along the sea on a bike with a trusted friend is bad? Is dating someone wrong? Does caste and creed matter in the world of matrimony? Why must I still be doubtful about befriending a person hailing from the SC or ST community?

The deeper we look into each of these aspects, the more clear it becomes. We, if given a chance, love being liberal and tolerant. But rarely do we try being so. A society is made up of perceptions of a group of people. It is a invisible association that merely provides a platform for interactions to all social animals (Yes, animals - haven't you seen how dogs and cows live in absolute harmony!). In short we define the rule. We construct the society.

Off late, there is no single society but a number of individual sub-societies that complicate the simple life we ought to lead. If you ask me, I think life is and will always be black and white. How? Anything that harms a person and is unfair is bad. Anything that keeps a person happy is good. Our sub-societies have redefined this and have selectively decided what is good and bad. Whom are we to torture a person or make a person suffer immense pain in the name of 'sweet revenge?' How dare we judge people based on the faiths they hold close to their hearts? I believe the moment you learn to look at a larger picture and can spot the exact white and black spots most of our issues can be resolved in a jiffy.

Remember there will always be exceptions - both good and bad. It is, thus, all the more important for us as a community to work harder towards creating an environment that could help tackle or make room for these exceptions. The process is slow and tiresome. But is any task on earth less tiresome? It is not only difficult the first 10 ten times. Perhaps the first 20 times too. After that, it is indeed a cake-walk. If not now, we human beings are bound to fail the test of survival of the fittest sooner than expected. The choice is ours. I say let us start now.

One more month away

In exactly 30 days, I would be hitting a yet another new milestone - the quarter mile. Looking back at life so far, I can't help but realise how much I have changed. From being a meddlesome toddler whose life's ambition was to be that doctor who would follow her father's footsteps, to a content and happy media person. Indeed, I have come a long way. As a child, I was never exposed to the world of greys. Everything had two sides  - the good and the bad. Nobody believed in the concept of 'acceptable,' or even 'satisfactory.' As I gradually opened my eyes to the big-but-not-so-bad-world, I began noticing the finer subtleties to life. I noticed how the broadminded remained so until the ball was in their court. I noticed how fair play and partiality are often synonymous of each other. I noticed how privacy or personal space - not matter how well-defined- is never truly personal or private :). But most of all, I had learnt that your life, your destiny is shaped by the choices you make and the consequences that are bound doing so. I had sought many an opportunity, cherished most of them, and I have had several stories to share from the experiences that I have gained. All in all, I would say the ride has only begun. I have more to explore, experience and embrace. 

In holy matrimony

I had the pleasure of being part of several weddings. Each time I witness a man and woman tying the knot, I wonder what and how their life is bound to change. Sure, you might be marrying the love of your life. Or would probably marrying a person with whom you would have felt a strange connection on that crucial day. Either ways, while the wedding is a mere ceremony, the bond called marriage is deeper than what it appears. Indian marriages were and are always about the family. Despite the fights, disagreements, and confusion, the marriage is bound to bring families closer. It was not only about the parents giving their daughter away but also about the in-laws embracing the new member of a family. But what is amazing is that in the end, be it love or arranged, everyone firmly believes that marriages are made in heaven. 

A few weeks ago, I had experienced a most interesting sense of satisfaction.  My friend had married a woman whom I would term to be his perfect half. While he fusses over traveling abroad, she ensures that he tags along when she does. When he chose to remain expressionless during religious rituals, she makes it fun and memorable. But most of all, when she stands next to him, he looks complete. He was always happy but now he is content and truly on cloud nine. 

At a family friend's wedding, I could not help but notice how an average 3bhk could accommodate over 20 people, and be lively all the while. It was amazing to see how everybody including me became part of the celebrations in whatever way we could.  Everybody was family. The event only brought the people closer. If I could say so - I felt more a part of this family than of my own. For reasons beyond explanation. Yes, my family is fun, but am confident that a wedding involving too many people would see the active participation of only two or three people. It would be a mere event and not an opportunity for people to bond and for the family to grow bigger. 

All in all, I guess marriage is not only of what we want it to be, but also a bi-product of the blessings of all our forefathers and of destiny. :-)