Celebrating life

Well, seems like I have not been writing for a long time. I admit I have neglected those who really mattered to me- my fellow readers. But I promise to make up for my absolute lack of consistency.

   They say the 'learning never ends.' I believe that is what the past three months have taught me. From tackling numerous instances of self-doubt, to being able to remain calm and emotionless in a crisis situation. I have learnt that life is no bed of roses. Then again, life has to be celebrated.

   There is so much more to the world than the tough competition and endless supply of money. All it takes a feeling heart and you will see a whole new world around you. A world were mothers are forced to carry their toddlers for hours until a kind soul offers them their seat. A world were being practical and rational is considered insane and childish.

   It was this thought that motivated me to understand the true essence of celebration. And thus, I set out on the journey to re-discover the meaning of celebration. My journey led me to a the most memorable weddings of my life. My cousin's wedding had not only given me a chance to vent out and dance to my heart's content, but had also let me re-live my childhood. For 3 days, all my cousins chose to become school kids until the celebrations had concluded.

  My journey taught me that smiles are the greatest shields of mankind. While they help you shield the troubled lives you lead, they a great source of inspiration and help you face tough times head-on. It is interesting to note that some of lives most valuable lessons are often taught to me by a nine year old girl with a traumatised childhood. Her smile, is symbol of strength and hope. And has kept me going as well.

Guess, one must search for those long lost smiles, cherish them and live the each moment for each one of them is a gift.

_________

Criticised with love

I am often asked as to why I chose to be a journalist? To many I brag about my dire desire to fulfill a childhood dream. To some others I use words like news, contact-circle and influence to make the discussion sound fascinating. But, honestly - I believe my decision to become a journalist goes far beyond those casual conversations about careers.

Sure, the media is the fourth pillar. But unlike some parts of the world, journalism in the world's seventh largest country is a whole new game. 

Journalism is one avenue that taught me how anybody and everybody is entitled to an opinion. Most of all, it taught me that you have to be thick skinned or street smart to tackle these opinions. Criticism, as many say, is often 'constructive.' Those who care criticise because it is their right and that we would take their opinions seriously so as to become at whatever we do. Those who call themselves fans of a journalist praise him/her but criticise the person the moment they flaw (even in the most insignificant manner). Those who consider themselves experienced or claim to be better at a few skills, criticise you because they feel threatened or rather cannot bear the sight of you showcasing a few precious skills. Then, there are those who criticise only because they were denied the chance to be a journalist and will look down upon any achievement of yours - even if you are internationally acclaimed.

Now, why do I love the field? Because it has made me tough. Journalists are rarely appreciated. The few occasions when we are truly appreciated are moments that ought to be celebrated in as fancy a manner as possible. Funny enough, everybody is criticised someway or the other. While in most cases you are often criticised by members of the same clan or by the absolutely clueless, journalists are criticised by everybody including the whose-who of various industries. It is only shocking if a journalist who dares to speak up is not threatened or warned.

After having received a great deal of criticism from various corners I have learnt the art of working hard till the world is silent. They say - you are never noticed unless you flaw. So why worry about recognition?

Being a journalist is a herculean task. We are always on the move. In search of that story that could have an impact or could keep the world talking or engage in discussion. Sometimes, the risks involves go beyond explanation but the efforts are never ignored. This is primarily due to the fact that the experience adds the 'x'
 factor to the story. Even if it is a matter of life and death.

At a battlefield, for instance, a journalist reporting is considered brave but one fails to see how his/her efforts often go unrecognised. Some of their stories may never see the light of day. Sure, they may or may be not be guaranteed or better lifestyle post the task. But is the guarantee justified? Not really. Even entertainment reporters are bound to be bombarded with a handful of 'suggestions,' even if the story was presented in a most balanced manner. But that does not stop them from doing what they do best. After all, the stories are meant for you - the audience that we write for (Wondering how it works? Think about it). It is rarely for us to present our stance.

It is the audience factor that makes our job more fascinating. Our lives are never about a story that we had penned down. But it is, in fact, the story of your lives that we choose to highlight. Journalism is an adventure that is recorded at all times. Everything that we do, be it editing a story or a video to reporting on the field is a challenge in itself. Each story is different and each tale has to be showcased effectively. These tasks demand hard work, focus, and a lot of perseverance. 

So here is a humble request to all readers - criticise but never insult. But most of all criticise only and only if you are sure that nobody will question your criticism. Else we shall continue standing by the old proverb - We know you are a fool, don't prove it :). It is amusing is to see how many view journalism as an arena for the stupid and not a really job. Believe me when I say, every profession has several exceptions and journalism is no different. Many journalist work in established media houses that have to abide by certain norms. Freelancers may have it easy , but are also bound by many rules. Again, by merely becoming a journalist, we are not exactly your very own walky-talky encyclopedia of the world. We might not more than many others. But we don't possess, as I would say, divya drishti (divine vision) for us to know it all.

Criticise, but respect our world too. For the grey areas are more vast than you can ever imagine.

Flashback

He held my hand and told me how much he cared. "I am a stupid and clumsy girl," I said. "It doesn't matter," is what he said. When I woke up the next day, it all seemed like nothing more than a dream. Now, that we are far apart, I can only hope for a moment when I would feel as safe or special with a that unique someone.

My father always said that the one thing that you can never forget are memories - good or bad. Our past plays a rather significant role in determining our next step. It influences our choices, or ability to judge and most of all, our personality. Be it a relationship during those hail days at college or during the initial years as a working person or even those rough fights in your neighbourhood. While the incidents seem crystal clear in the mind, reality depicts otherwise. They were a part of book that had too many action-packed chapters. The final chapter of those novels led to several new ones.

To me, these flashbacks remind me of the journey that helped me discover myself. Yes, I have flawed and I have done many wrong things. But the presence of a few brought the good that was hidden within me into the light of day. It was as if I had let my own light shine and had unconsciously let the others do so too. I might have broken a heart or two. I have indeed had a few shattering moments too. Did those moments make me cry? A few did. But the others motivated me to ask for more and discover more - about the world; about me.

History repeats itself. You cannot stop things from happening to you again. But what does the past teach you? One thing and one thing alone. To cherish all that you have. No matter how short-lived it may be. So do I fear taking the next step? Am I the grown up many yearn me to be? Well, no. I was, am and will always be a child. Children do not understand fear. I, thus, will never hesitate to hold my head high and take the next step forward. But I guess, I must learn to cherish all that I have. Good or bad. It is the only way to head towards being a better and complete person.

Would you please stop?!

Personally, I am exhausted of having to justify my views and perceptions of the world around me. Anything and anyone is judged. Though many preach of life being simple, who truly believes in practicing all that is being preached? I bet even the preacher chooses otherwise.

There is not a day when I do not wonder as to why people choose go by a protocol, knowing that they will have to breakaway from doing so soon enough. Who says what? To whom? Why what we said is rude but not honest? How we must be honest yet diplomatic? I have come to think that we are so scared of being who we really are. But most of all, I am concerned that we have begun to fear clarifying our doubts.

 It is as if there is an unseen and widely accepted rule book for all that we see. The easiest answer to most queries - 'Because our society believes so.'

As a child, I had accepted these replies as if they were words of wisdom. Abiding by them felt like taking a step towards righteousness. Now, as a young and restless adult - my questions continue to clarified in a similar fashion; only this time I am not convinced. The end result - I am termed 'the kind.'

Not too long ago a friend of mine and I were discussing a rather sensitive issue when all of a sudden his perceptions that opened my eyes into a whole new horizon. The discussion led to a rather interesting thought - we live in a world where everything seems to be changing by the second. The India that I live in seems to be witnessing a drastic change in the mindsets of the average Indian that is often obstructed by the steadfast and firm perceptions of the generations before mine. Thus, concepts of free speech, interaction with the opposite sex or even marriage for-the-sake of the companionship are yet to sink in. But that does not stop my generation from adapting themselves to a new lifestyle.

Each one of us, at the end of them day, is pulled down by a heavy anchor (figuratively speaking) and is denied a chance to grow and adapt to the world around us. While our age old values of mutual respect, tolerance and family have been appreciated worldwide, it applications in the current day scenario seem rather jaded. Who said that long rides along the sea on a bike with a trusted friend is bad? Is dating someone wrong? Does caste and creed matter in the world of matrimony? Why must I still be doubtful about befriending a person hailing from the SC or ST community?

The deeper we look into each of these aspects, the more clear it becomes. We, if given a chance, love being liberal and tolerant. But rarely do we try being so. A society is made up of perceptions of a group of people. It is a invisible association that merely provides a platform for interactions to all social animals (Yes, animals - haven't you seen how dogs and cows live in absolute harmony!). In short we define the rule. We construct the society.

Off late, there is no single society but a number of individual sub-societies that complicate the simple life we ought to lead. If you ask me, I think life is and will always be black and white. How? Anything that harms a person and is unfair is bad. Anything that keeps a person happy is good. Our sub-societies have redefined this and have selectively decided what is good and bad. Whom are we to torture a person or make a person suffer immense pain in the name of 'sweet revenge?' How dare we judge people based on the faiths they hold close to their hearts? I believe the moment you learn to look at a larger picture and can spot the exact white and black spots most of our issues can be resolved in a jiffy.

Remember there will always be exceptions - both good and bad. It is, thus, all the more important for us as a community to work harder towards creating an environment that could help tackle or make room for these exceptions. The process is slow and tiresome. But is any task on earth less tiresome? It is not only difficult the first 10 ten times. Perhaps the first 20 times too. After that, it is indeed a cake-walk. If not now, we human beings are bound to fail the test of survival of the fittest sooner than expected. The choice is ours. I say let us start now.

One more month away

In exactly 30 days, I would be hitting a yet another new milestone - the quarter mile. Looking back at life so far, I can't help but realise how much I have changed. From being a meddlesome toddler whose life's ambition was to be that doctor who would follow her father's footsteps, to a content and happy media person. Indeed, I have come a long way. As a child, I was never exposed to the world of greys. Everything had two sides  - the good and the bad. Nobody believed in the concept of 'acceptable,' or even 'satisfactory.' As I gradually opened my eyes to the big-but-not-so-bad-world, I began noticing the finer subtleties to life. I noticed how the broadminded remained so until the ball was in their court. I noticed how fair play and partiality are often synonymous of each other. I noticed how privacy or personal space - not matter how well-defined- is never truly personal or private :). But most of all, I had learnt that your life, your destiny is shaped by the choices you make and the consequences that are bound doing so. I had sought many an opportunity, cherished most of them, and I have had several stories to share from the experiences that I have gained. All in all, I would say the ride has only begun. I have more to explore, experience and embrace. 

In holy matrimony

I had the pleasure of being part of several weddings. Each time I witness a man and woman tying the knot, I wonder what and how their life is bound to change. Sure, you might be marrying the love of your life. Or would probably marrying a person with whom you would have felt a strange connection on that crucial day. Either ways, while the wedding is a mere ceremony, the bond called marriage is deeper than what it appears. Indian marriages were and are always about the family. Despite the fights, disagreements, and confusion, the marriage is bound to bring families closer. It was not only about the parents giving their daughter away but also about the in-laws embracing the new member of a family. But what is amazing is that in the end, be it love or arranged, everyone firmly believes that marriages are made in heaven. 

A few weeks ago, I had experienced a most interesting sense of satisfaction.  My friend had married a woman whom I would term to be his perfect half. While he fusses over traveling abroad, she ensures that he tags along when she does. When he chose to remain expressionless during religious rituals, she makes it fun and memorable. But most of all, when she stands next to him, he looks complete. He was always happy but now he is content and truly on cloud nine. 

At a family friend's wedding, I could not help but notice how an average 3bhk could accommodate over 20 people, and be lively all the while. It was amazing to see how everybody including me became part of the celebrations in whatever way we could.  Everybody was family. The event only brought the people closer. If I could say so - I felt more a part of this family than of my own. For reasons beyond explanation. Yes, my family is fun, but am confident that a wedding involving too many people would see the active participation of only two or three people. It would be a mere event and not an opportunity for people to bond and for the family to grow bigger. 

All in all, I guess marriage is not only of what we want it to be, but also a bi-product of the blessings of all our forefathers and of destiny. :-)

It is good to be you

After more than 24 years, I realised that some of the best moments in life are often cherished when one hopes onto a set of wheels and observes the world around. It is these lessons that leave a lasting impression and change the personality within. Allow me to take you through some of my life's experiences. 

My visit to the garden city after a period of 2 years was unlike any visit to a metropolitan.  To begin I was no longer a student nor did I have a escort at all times. 

Upon reaching Banaswadi station I had hired an autorickshaw to travel from the railway station towards my place of stay, situated nearly 15 minutes from the station. It was not long before I realised that I would be dependent on the three wheeler for the rest of errands across the city as well. 

So there I was shuttling between Banaswadi, to the city's 'happening' side of Kormangala, Marthahalli and of course Indira Nagar. 

At first, I visited a friend and his wife to meet the latest addition to their family - an adorable and healthy baby girl. The very sight of this little angel had brought a strange sense of feeling complete to my life. For there I was, holding on to something so tender, innocent and pure. Indeed, I was honoured to have held her in my arms as she slept peacefully, clueless about how the world outside was. My friends their families were thrilled too. 

I then met an old school friend, who had always been fascinated by my ability to narrate fresh yet 'exciting' tales each time we speak. As the two of us began speaking I couldn't help but realise that we had grown up and were independent women with perceptions of our own. Yet, we remained close and honest to each other. 

Soon after, I had set out to meet a family whom I had known for almost 20 years. This was truly a blessing. For I had last met the couple when they are medical students. I was happy to see how well they were doing and had raised their children with a great regard for moral values. I was indeed home. We spoke for hours. Not knowing how time flew. The incident was an emotional moment for me, for it took me back to the happiest moments of my life - childhood. 

I decided to top it all of with my first visit to a pub. Sure the ambience seemed rather weird. But the ground reality proved otherwise.  I was not over awed by the so-called night life. But I enjoyed seeing many happy faces around me. 

The trip was the beginning of some of my greatest lessons of life. Thus, the adventure continued. Soon I was off to an 8 day trip to the hills of northern Karnataka with a group of absolute strangers. Things had truly changed. I had experienced the life I had yearned for. Freedom with a sack full of memories, learning and most of all an opportunity to understand my inner self. The cool wind, the interaction with the local residents as well as the many instances of having to speak the local language gave a unique sense of satisfaction and joy. Something that I knew could never be replaced. 

But most of all, I learnt the many truths about the human brain. The human mind is truly complex. On the one hand we talk of peace, and treating everybody as equals. We often fail to accept people for what they are.

Sure I did enjoy being on own, but deep inside like any person, I yearned for that special person whom I could share those precious moments with. Sadly, nothing ever works perfect to the 'T.' 

I have often faced the ultimate dilemma - the one's I adore care two hoots about my well being, while those whom I would really adore as mere associates shower more than required. When the admiration or attention showered crosses a certain level, things do get messy, compelling me to push them aside.  (I mean, why don't they get it!). May be it is my earnest desire to have someone understand me and accept me that drives me into situations as amusing as these.

Moreover, all the travelling and train hopping taught me the most wonderful aspect of a relationship - the inner self. 

Not long ago, a friend and I had a rather firm feud. For the light hearted, it appeared to be nothing more than random outbursts of the stressful mind. But to those involved, it was a moment that ceased to leave the troubled mind. Not only were we angry, but we had indeed lost control of all senses. I, however, admited it. While he continues to claim that he was aware of all that he was doing and was not at fault. In fact, he believed that he was justified in doing so. In the end, well, a wiseman did say that time resolves all problems. It was indeed time that helped us devise a solution to the issue.

The result of such incidents - we often forget to be ourselves, live the life we wish to lead and stay content. Instead, one is always worried about being left behind while his competitors/peers/siblings take those large leaps ahead. Sure, not all of us are gifted and are not saint-like. Patience is indeed a virtue. But most of all, one must not judge a book by its cover. This old saying seems most applicable in any relationship. Rather, the relationships that last a life time or even longer elaborate the concept the best. The question is - how?

The entire incident compelled me to introspect. For days, I wondered if I deserved to be hurt. I continued to ponder over the way in I would have hurt people in the past and nearly believed that Karma seemed to have been the cause of all that was bad around me. It took me a while to realise that this was who I am.

I was in the midst of conversation with an old 'admirer' when I had found the answer to my question. This man in particular was strange. A genius at everything he does but an absolute mess with regards to human bonds. Let us say that he would rather spend a lifetime with canines, felis catus (cat) or even reptiles as opposed to a human room mate. (LOL!). What amused me was despite his fear, he seemed to have enjoyed talking to me and would share a lot about his life and desires. All he need was another soul who would have make a good conversationalist as well as be a good listener. Funny enough, over a period of time, I learnt to play that part. To a certain extent, he seemed to have approved of the person I am. All of a sudden I was reminded of all those who still stand by me when I am left in the dark. All of them had one thing in common - a giant heart. A heart that let me be me no matter what.

It is true. No relationship/bond should be pursued with a lot of effort. People do take each other for granted. It is only but natural for one to do so if they are most comfortable with the other. Many a time, the term 'taken for granted' is used synonymously for 'a responsibility that goes unsaid.' But most all, nothing in world should deter you from being what you are. Tough, soft-spoken; rude or polite; diplomatic or blunt; you decide how you wish to be for in the end, you must take care of yourself and stand up for what you believe in. 

One must also remember, that sometimes great things happen when least expected. My trip to Northern Karnataka gave me an opportunity to interact with new faces and make some truly special friends. So did my trip to Bangalore. In short, you never know what is at store. 

So what do you do? Be yourself. You are always bound to be happier in the longer run for you are true to that one person that matters most - You.